A Letter For You

I absolutely love receiving good, solid advice as much as the next person, but sometimes all I want is to hear sincere words of affirmation from someone who I care about. For that reason I have asked a few people that I deeply respect to write you letters that I will post here. Hopefully, these will change the way you view the people around you, especially men. No, they are not all jerks who only care about "that one thing." We need to stop telling ourselves and our sisters that. It isn't fair to our brothers who sincerely care about us.

These letters are written from the heart, so spend time thinking about the words they say and remember that they are meant for YOU. Here is the first one from a good friend of mine, so listen up and take his words to heart...

Dear Beautiful Women of God,

You are beautiful.  I love you just the way you are.  I’d catch a grenade for yeh, throw my hand on a blade for yeh, you know I’d do anything for yeh.  I love you.  You’re the best.  You make me so happy.

These are just a few statements that I feel like women are often looking for from men.  Am I wrong?  Some of them simple, “You are beautiful,” “You make me happy.”  Some of them are poetic or filled with emotion as if from a song.  Some of them can be packed with passion if spoken truly but have the potential to be completely meaningless if not.  The words "I love you" can be said out of the depths of someone’s heart, or just on the surface of someone’s lips.  "You’re the best" can be a true statement of gratitude from someone recognizing your God-given talents, or it can be a quick way to exaggerate your thanks to somebody.

I’m not a woman, so I’m definitely not going to try and figure out where your heart is at and how to speak to it.  I’m just going to let this flow from the truth of my heart and pray that something helps you to see your beauty in a brighter light today.

Firstly, you are a beautiful woman of God, regardless of what you think.  God made you and therefore you are beautiful.  You are a woman, so that one is a gimme (I hope) and you are of God so there is no argument there.  But do you believe it?

If you said no, why not?  I’m not going to take the usual route of trying to affirm you through all of this, because you’ve heard that.  Don’t fall into the snare of society!  I feel like it has almost become part of a good Christian woman’s state of mind to feel bad about her self-image, confide in other women about it, and then try to feel better about herself.  I completely understand the point of talking about all this with your sisters but don’t let that become a habit!  There comes a time when you have to leave the routine of self-pity and actually discover the beauty within your soul and the gorgeous design that God has woven you into.

I only say this because men have to find their way out of self-pity issues as well; less about self-image and more about falling into lust.  We can fight against lust, and talk to other men about how we're sorry we failed and want to fight again, get all worked up, fail again and repeat the cycle but their comes a time also when we, as men, have to get out of self-pity and realize that the women we're lusting over are worth more and we're worth more than being a slave to lust.  There comes a time when we have to truly fight it, and not just pretend.

People in today’s society have trouble with affirmation.  Every day I see at least one of my sisters who I just want to walk up to and say, “You are beautiful.”  But I almost NEVER do it.  Why?  It sounds cheesy.  Would the women actually take me seriously?  It sounds so simple.  Would it make sense?  Wouldn’t it be awkward or catch her off guard?  On top of that, will she take it the wrong way?  Will she next be wondering if I have further interest?  It is really hard for a guy to affirm a woman that he is not interested in because he worries that he might come off as flirting.  Make sense?  Well, I shouldn’t generalize.  For me, it is really hard to affirm a woman because I want to respect your boundaries of emotional chastity and be sure that you are protected from any false emotional investment.

My suggestion, and this is up to you,  is to message some people, especially your closer friends.  Tell them where you’re at with your self-worth.  Don’t give to much away; you don’t have to make yourself completely vulnerable.  But just let them know that you’re struggling and ask them to send you 10 positive things they find in you.  Traits, attributes, etc.  Because here’s the thing... There are some WONDERFUL things that God has made a part of your design and you may not even notice them.  Aside from someone thinking you have pretty eyes or beautiful flowing hair, you might start to see the positives that your friends see in you that you never hear about.

When others don’t affirm you, on the inside you have two forces, God and Satan.  God tells you to remember who He created you to be, beautiful and loved in His eyes.  Satan, with the overwhelming power of society, tells you that you don’t match up with other women.  Don’t fall into the evil one’s grasp.  You have a specific purpose and you are made in the eyes of the wonderful maker.  When you bring your struggles to light, especially in the presence of those who love you, Satan loses power and you grow stronger.

One last piece of advice: smile. A lot. The most attractive thing I find in a woman is her smile.  Not an awkward, forced, “I’m smiling just because I want people to think I’m happy smile.”  A genuine, I’m smiling because I have something to smile about.  Find that one thing to smile about, and let it show.  And even when you can’t find the reason to smile, know that you are loved and that God is still smiling down upon you.    

Know that the men around you, especially the important ones in your life, love you because of your beauty and your wonder; whether they are able to say it out loud or not.  The mystery of a woman may aggravate us at time but it mostly puts us in awe.  The complexity that God put into a woman is enough to show His love for you.  There’s so much for you to learn about yourself and so much that man has to learn about relating to you but none of that will be discovered until you find confidence in your image; the one that God created you into.

Sincerely,

Loving Brother in Christ

Loving Who You Are Right Now

I feel like the most challenging hurdle to jump on the journey toward recognizing our true beauty is also the first one: attaining the belief that we are worthy of love as we are, no alteration or upgrade necessary. It's such a complete shift from the way most of us think. We are always trying to improve ourselves, and, while improvement is wonderful in and of itself, it can become unhealthy. If changing ourselves is our sole focus, then we lose the chance to get to know the beautiful creations we already are. What a sad missed opportunity.

Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" have become so cliche that they have almost entirely lost all meaning, but take a few minutes with this one. Erase all past experiences you have had with these thoughts. Come on now, you can do it. Put them completely out of your mind and look at this with fresh eyes. Read it slowly and let it sink in.

God created you as you are, exactly as you are, for a reason. He didn't make a single mistake.

If we can just accept this as fact every morning when we wake up, it will radically alter our attitudes. All of the things we nit-pick, frown at and hate ourselves for were designed meticulously by an all-knowing, all-loving creator. It doesn't matter if you don't look like the models on the front of the magazines at the grocery store check-out lines. You're not supposed to! You are supposed to look like YOU. You were created to show the world an entirely unique form of beauty. Isn't it an incredible thing to know that no one will ever look or act exactly like you? You are the only person who can be you.

Alright so who just thought "Heck no its not incredible! Who would want to look or act like me anyway?" First of all, I think you would be surprised if you knew who admires you and wishes they could be a little more like you. Try that one on for size. Also, it may help to know that every single woman of every age in existence on this planet has at least one thing they wish were slightly different about themselves. Even that ridiculously gorgeous girl you compare yourself to everyday.

It isn't about having the perfect figure or the clearest skin or the softest hair. It's all about being comfortable and confident in your skin. Loving who you are. Cherishing the incredible, glorious, beautiful gift God gave you. The gift of yourself.

Today -- Spend at least five minutes sincerely contemplating the phrase: "God created me with a purpose and loves me just the way that I am."  Believe it.

The Battle For Beauty

Beauty. Everyone is searching for it, and each person's opinion of it is different. No matter the definition, the simple fact remains: We are all drawn to beauty, and we most especially hope to find it in ourselves. As women, feeling beautiful is something we all long for. We fight for it with our diets and hair dye, our mascara and tanning lotion. We dress ourselves up in flashy clothes and jewelry hoping to attract someone's eye. We spend hours in front of mirrors staring at our imperfections wishing they would disappear, all the while hoping Prince Charming will ride in and tell us that we are already good enough. That we are stunningly, awe-strikingly beautiful.

Then we snap out of the daydream and tell ourselves, "Listen here, girl. You're ordinary. Nothing like that will ever happen to you." Why do we do this to ourselves? Why is it so difficult for us to believe that we are beautiful and loved? The world around us is constantly pumping into our brains that we aren't good enough, that if we just owned this or changed that THEN we would finally be beautiful. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has realized trying to find your worth this way just leaves you (and your wallet) empty and heartbroken. Some of us have been through a lot of hurt: broken families, abusive relationships and relentless bullies. Others of us have simply been worn down by the daily struggles of low self-esteem, loneliness and abandonment. These things change the way we view ourselves, even though we know deep inside that they shouldn't affect us.

Today is the day to give these life events a good hard kick and let healing take over. You are beautiful whether you believe it or not, and you don't have to change a thing. You were created for greatness and to be a light in a dark world. All around you a war is being fought for true beauty. Are you willing to take the hand of God, let Him flood your heart and show you your worth? Are you ready to join in the fight?

Today -- Take a look at the woman in the mirror. Smile. Tell her that she is beautiful and loved. Let God's healing wash over you. Trust in His love and mercy.