Choices

People say that we are who we choose to make ourselves. How true that is! With the Author of all the universe at our side, we, not the events of our lives,  create our identity. 

When you look in the mirror, don't you dare see all the times someone made you feel like you aren't good enough, pretty enough or smart enough. Don't dwell on all the heartbreaking "no's" or all the times someone told you "I'm sorry but you're just not worth the trouble." It's happened to all of us in one way or another. Someone has let us down. Someone has shattered our heart. People have broken promises time and time again. Those things hurt, but we can't define ourselves by these things.

What do I want to be remembered for? My failures and my heartbreaks? No. Through me I want people to see the greatest victory this world has ever known. I want everyone I meet to see the light of the risen Christ shining out from inside me. And if I can do that...then what power do these seemingly earth-shattering events have over me? None. This world is thirsty for true beauty and true love. So give it to them.  

A very close friend of mine shared this quote from Thomas Merton with me last night: 

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am doing Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope that I have that desire in all I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always. Though I may seem to be lost in the shadow of death, I will fear not, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen. 

Let that be your prayer just like I've made it mine. Let it empower you! I'm so done with all of us choosing to stick around in our misery because it makes us interesting or different or whatever. It's time to end all that. We have a God who died so that we could live a life of hope. What a slap in the face it must be to him each time we CHOOSE our misery over his joy. Enough is enough. 

Back Again

After a few months of absence, I'm back and ready to write again. I apologize for the break, but life happened with the force of a roundhouse kick to the face. That's the thing about life. It never slows down, bringing with it the good and the bad, and at times, a whole lot of darkness. But that's the beauty of it all. It's in our weakness that we can be made new. While we are at our strongest, we generally know who we are and can be nothing more or less than what we believe ourselves to be. In our moments of complete brokenness we can be molded and remade to reach a potential beyond our imagining.

Finding beauty in suffering is anything but easy. It's instinct to run from anything difficult or painful, but facing suffering and finding the goodness in it is not impossible. St. Faustina has been a great inspiration to me in times of trouble. She had a gift at making sense of pain and finding the fruits in it. I've looked to her for strength time and time again, and I definitely recommend her diary to all of you.

Since I enjoy writing, I'm a big fan of journaling, and sometimes when I journal I write letters to my future husband. I know, I know...super cheesy right? But I'm up to 15 letters now, and I suggest trying it out if you've never done it before. It seems kind of awkward at first. I mean, what are you supposed to say to someone you've never met? But you'll be surprised how much you have to say if you just start writing. I think it's beneficial to keep in mind that we are not sitting stagnate waiting for life to happen to us. We are constantly moving forward, whether we choose to or not. Writing these letters helps remind me that I'm moving toward something -- someone. It teaches me the value of patience, a virtue I wasn't naturally blessed with. So many of us struggle with loneliness, so we turn to other people and things to fill that space. This is just one way of many to remind yourself that God is with you and He has a plan if you'll only take His hand and let Him lead you. This is a little bit of what I wrote in one of these letters:

"Pasts are such funny things. They are the one thing I can think of that matters so much and, at the same time, not at all. They make us who we are -- cause our actions and guide our thoughts. They dictate what hurts us and what makes us smile. They mold us. They teach us. They help create our identity. So, in that, they matter. But when it comes down to loving a person, a past doesn't make a single bit of difference. When you love someone, it's the present that counts."

I wanted to share that with you because I think it's an important reminder to all of us to live in the now. That's what counts. Yesterday is over and done; tomorrow will be here soon enough. Live today and let go of yesterday.

Beauty According to a Man of God

Here is another letter to you from one of my closest friends. He has given me some of the best advice I've ever received and been around to lift me up through very rough times. He is such an incredible man of God, and I believe his words are so true. See ladies, there are good men in this world. Don't ever settle for anything less. Read the letter he wrote to you and spend a little time thinking on it.

My sisters in Christ,

What does it mean to be beautiful you ask? Every single woman on the face of this earth is beautiful, no questions asked. The simple yet awe-inspiring fact that you are one of God’s children is profound enough proof for you to be affirmed that you are more beautiful than even the most serene starry night, the most majestic sunrise viewed from the top of mountains, or the most soothing and relaxing ocean breeze felt from the shore of the beach as you have your feet nestled in the sand. God is intimately in love with you, and you are more beautiful than anything of this world because He created you in His own image and likeness.

Faith and trust in God is infinitely more beautiful than any exterior quality of woman. When you stand before Our Lord at the gates of heaven, what purpose will external beauty have to God if you did not live a life characterized solely by your devotion to Him? I am inspired to become a better man and a better Catholic (for my sisters in Christ) when I see a woman earnestly praying to Our Lord in the pews after mass. I want to be united in marriage one day with a woman who loves God more than she loves me.

Women who seek to live a life of self-giving love have so many blessings and gifts to give to this world. I adore women who genuinely care for others- especially those people who are afflicted by pain, suffering, and poverty- more than they care for themselves.

A woman’s devotion to Our Lord and a yearning to know Him and love Him more each day of her life is a far more attractive attribute than any physical quality a woman could be given from their birth. A healthy interior life consists of praying, giving help to those in need, and putting to death your desires each day, so that God’s will for you may be unraveled in your life. A woman who possesses a firm grasp on her interior life is an inspiration for her fellow brothers in Christ.

Your brothers in Christ delight in seeing you strive for holiness. If you are seeking beauty, look no further women, for you already possess it. When the Holy Spirit is closely intertwined into a woman’s life, her elegance speaks volumes. God made you beautiful just the way you are.

Love,

Your brother in Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

A Letter For You

I absolutely love receiving good, solid advice as much as the next person, but sometimes all I want is to hear sincere words of affirmation from someone who I care about. For that reason I have asked a few people that I deeply respect to write you letters that I will post here. Hopefully, these will change the way you view the people around you, especially men. No, they are not all jerks who only care about "that one thing." We need to stop telling ourselves and our sisters that. It isn't fair to our brothers who sincerely care about us.

These letters are written from the heart, so spend time thinking about the words they say and remember that they are meant for YOU. Here is the first one from a good friend of mine, so listen up and take his words to heart...

Dear Beautiful Women of God,

You are beautiful.  I love you just the way you are.  I’d catch a grenade for yeh, throw my hand on a blade for yeh, you know I’d do anything for yeh.  I love you.  You’re the best.  You make me so happy.

These are just a few statements that I feel like women are often looking for from men.  Am I wrong?  Some of them simple, “You are beautiful,” “You make me happy.”  Some of them are poetic or filled with emotion as if from a song.  Some of them can be packed with passion if spoken truly but have the potential to be completely meaningless if not.  The words "I love you" can be said out of the depths of someone’s heart, or just on the surface of someone’s lips.  "You’re the best" can be a true statement of gratitude from someone recognizing your God-given talents, or it can be a quick way to exaggerate your thanks to somebody.

I’m not a woman, so I’m definitely not going to try and figure out where your heart is at and how to speak to it.  I’m just going to let this flow from the truth of my heart and pray that something helps you to see your beauty in a brighter light today.

Firstly, you are a beautiful woman of God, regardless of what you think.  God made you and therefore you are beautiful.  You are a woman, so that one is a gimme (I hope) and you are of God so there is no argument there.  But do you believe it?

If you said no, why not?  I’m not going to take the usual route of trying to affirm you through all of this, because you’ve heard that.  Don’t fall into the snare of society!  I feel like it has almost become part of a good Christian woman’s state of mind to feel bad about her self-image, confide in other women about it, and then try to feel better about herself.  I completely understand the point of talking about all this with your sisters but don’t let that become a habit!  There comes a time when you have to leave the routine of self-pity and actually discover the beauty within your soul and the gorgeous design that God has woven you into.

I only say this because men have to find their way out of self-pity issues as well; less about self-image and more about falling into lust.  We can fight against lust, and talk to other men about how we're sorry we failed and want to fight again, get all worked up, fail again and repeat the cycle but their comes a time also when we, as men, have to get out of self-pity and realize that the women we're lusting over are worth more and we're worth more than being a slave to lust.  There comes a time when we have to truly fight it, and not just pretend.

People in today’s society have trouble with affirmation.  Every day I see at least one of my sisters who I just want to walk up to and say, “You are beautiful.”  But I almost NEVER do it.  Why?  It sounds cheesy.  Would the women actually take me seriously?  It sounds so simple.  Would it make sense?  Wouldn’t it be awkward or catch her off guard?  On top of that, will she take it the wrong way?  Will she next be wondering if I have further interest?  It is really hard for a guy to affirm a woman that he is not interested in because he worries that he might come off as flirting.  Make sense?  Well, I shouldn’t generalize.  For me, it is really hard to affirm a woman because I want to respect your boundaries of emotional chastity and be sure that you are protected from any false emotional investment.

My suggestion, and this is up to you,  is to message some people, especially your closer friends.  Tell them where you’re at with your self-worth.  Don’t give to much away; you don’t have to make yourself completely vulnerable.  But just let them know that you’re struggling and ask them to send you 10 positive things they find in you.  Traits, attributes, etc.  Because here’s the thing... There are some WONDERFUL things that God has made a part of your design and you may not even notice them.  Aside from someone thinking you have pretty eyes or beautiful flowing hair, you might start to see the positives that your friends see in you that you never hear about.

When others don’t affirm you, on the inside you have two forces, God and Satan.  God tells you to remember who He created you to be, beautiful and loved in His eyes.  Satan, with the overwhelming power of society, tells you that you don’t match up with other women.  Don’t fall into the evil one’s grasp.  You have a specific purpose and you are made in the eyes of the wonderful maker.  When you bring your struggles to light, especially in the presence of those who love you, Satan loses power and you grow stronger.

One last piece of advice: smile. A lot. The most attractive thing I find in a woman is her smile.  Not an awkward, forced, “I’m smiling just because I want people to think I’m happy smile.”  A genuine, I’m smiling because I have something to smile about.  Find that one thing to smile about, and let it show.  And even when you can’t find the reason to smile, know that you are loved and that God is still smiling down upon you.    

Know that the men around you, especially the important ones in your life, love you because of your beauty and your wonder; whether they are able to say it out loud or not.  The mystery of a woman may aggravate us at time but it mostly puts us in awe.  The complexity that God put into a woman is enough to show His love for you.  There’s so much for you to learn about yourself and so much that man has to learn about relating to you but none of that will be discovered until you find confidence in your image; the one that God created you into.

Sincerely,

Loving Brother in Christ

Loving Who You Are Right Now

I feel like the most challenging hurdle to jump on the journey toward recognizing our true beauty is also the first one: attaining the belief that we are worthy of love as we are, no alteration or upgrade necessary. It's such a complete shift from the way most of us think. We are always trying to improve ourselves, and, while improvement is wonderful in and of itself, it can become unhealthy. If changing ourselves is our sole focus, then we lose the chance to get to know the beautiful creations we already are. What a sad missed opportunity.

Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" have become so cliche that they have almost entirely lost all meaning, but take a few minutes with this one. Erase all past experiences you have had with these thoughts. Come on now, you can do it. Put them completely out of your mind and look at this with fresh eyes. Read it slowly and let it sink in.

God created you as you are, exactly as you are, for a reason. He didn't make a single mistake.

If we can just accept this as fact every morning when we wake up, it will radically alter our attitudes. All of the things we nit-pick, frown at and hate ourselves for were designed meticulously by an all-knowing, all-loving creator. It doesn't matter if you don't look like the models on the front of the magazines at the grocery store check-out lines. You're not supposed to! You are supposed to look like YOU. You were created to show the world an entirely unique form of beauty. Isn't it an incredible thing to know that no one will ever look or act exactly like you? You are the only person who can be you.

Alright so who just thought "Heck no its not incredible! Who would want to look or act like me anyway?" First of all, I think you would be surprised if you knew who admires you and wishes they could be a little more like you. Try that one on for size. Also, it may help to know that every single woman of every age in existence on this planet has at least one thing they wish were slightly different about themselves. Even that ridiculously gorgeous girl you compare yourself to everyday.

It isn't about having the perfect figure or the clearest skin or the softest hair. It's all about being comfortable and confident in your skin. Loving who you are. Cherishing the incredible, glorious, beautiful gift God gave you. The gift of yourself.

Today -- Spend at least five minutes sincerely contemplating the phrase: "God created me with a purpose and loves me just the way that I am."  Believe it.

The Battle For Beauty

Beauty. Everyone is searching for it, and each person's opinion of it is different. No matter the definition, the simple fact remains: We are all drawn to beauty, and we most especially hope to find it in ourselves. As women, feeling beautiful is something we all long for. We fight for it with our diets and hair dye, our mascara and tanning lotion. We dress ourselves up in flashy clothes and jewelry hoping to attract someone's eye. We spend hours in front of mirrors staring at our imperfections wishing they would disappear, all the while hoping Prince Charming will ride in and tell us that we are already good enough. That we are stunningly, awe-strikingly beautiful.

Then we snap out of the daydream and tell ourselves, "Listen here, girl. You're ordinary. Nothing like that will ever happen to you." Why do we do this to ourselves? Why is it so difficult for us to believe that we are beautiful and loved? The world around us is constantly pumping into our brains that we aren't good enough, that if we just owned this or changed that THEN we would finally be beautiful. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has realized trying to find your worth this way just leaves you (and your wallet) empty and heartbroken. Some of us have been through a lot of hurt: broken families, abusive relationships and relentless bullies. Others of us have simply been worn down by the daily struggles of low self-esteem, loneliness and abandonment. These things change the way we view ourselves, even though we know deep inside that they shouldn't affect us.

Today is the day to give these life events a good hard kick and let healing take over. You are beautiful whether you believe it or not, and you don't have to change a thing. You were created for greatness and to be a light in a dark world. All around you a war is being fought for true beauty. Are you willing to take the hand of God, let Him flood your heart and show you your worth? Are you ready to join in the fight?

Today -- Take a look at the woman in the mirror. Smile. Tell her that she is beautiful and loved. Let God's healing wash over you. Trust in His love and mercy.